shuttered and should

Suppose vs should

A recent crested moon arose. A dance around legitimacy, tarnished? no and never. A ritualistic exposition vs another meandering way of life. Determined and blinded, following the right. A heart beat skipped but back on track towards that map, still gone,  still thrown out the window.

Deflated a should vs suppose. Time slipped straight thru my fumbling thin fingers and rightly passed me by. Like a mad dash of 70s mercury going down some scummy bathroom drain after a broken thermometer shattered and left the poison debris up to gravity. Decided right then and never id always give it my all. as if it were really an option. Purposefully and uncommitted to a lonesome crowded mind field. A deliberate disguise to cloak the masks worn by all. I wanted revenge. Full blown murderous revenge. But then I think of Ashely Williams and how I've given up on wishing her the worst. That woman nearly killed me for a text message. With her car and in her car. This isnt about her though. It's about the one that pieced together her young heart, hand over fist handed it to me, nourished it needingly and promptly decided to simply quit watering my soul. I fell victim to a girl I thought I felt a woman. There were still issues and I never even knew her hand writing. An everlasting impossible participation. Los Angeles looks small from way up here. I'm leaving again and it is just that, small. A general misfortune for possible personalities. I could open my mind but... What fun would that be.  I've had good times but soaked in blood, some sweat but never a tear. Common ground is with those closer and I need to thin that circle. With age it's grown perfectly. Adjusted a few trends and I'm out while she wants in. I understand and I support. My best friend a person I can't connect with. Left for the dogs, our relationship, and it will never be the same. It's how it works. So I call to it, this message, a letter perhaps. I find it, black fingernails and all you're still bit a nervous cure to an unborn disease. I thought you an elder. I thought you as in forever. But alas, another world has opened up and full advantage is being taken and I'm the one, left and leaving.

nov 2013